Hedy BloemFor the woman who holds everyoneWho holds you?
When did someone last reach for you?
You're the emotional grown-up
in your own relationship. And you're so tired.
You're the one who remembers how everyone else is feeling. After an argument he's already forgotten, you're the one quietly working out how to make things okay again. You make your own needs smaller, small enough for him to manage, and then you find yourself apologising for even having them. You soften your hurt so it won't be too much for him, and after years of softening, you can't really hear yourself anymore.
and feel completely alone.
When you love someone who cannot quite meet you where you are
If you've ever thought, why am I doing all of this on my own?, please know you're not imagining it, and you're not asking for too much. It may be that you love someone who can't quite meet you where you are. Not a bad man, maybe. Just a man whose emotional world is smaller than the one you've been holding open for both of you.
None of that means something is wrong with you. You didn't love the wrong way. You loved someone who couldn't hold what you were carrying, and you carried it on your own for so long that it started to feel normal.
I'm not here to tell you what to do, and I would never say you should have done anything differently. Maybe you're still in it, and still wondering. Maybe you're working on it, and couples counselling is one gentle tool that can help with that. Or maybe you found your way out a long time ago, and you're only now seeing why. Wherever you are on this road is the right place to be, and it belongs to you. All I want to tell you is what's true about you. You are not too much. There is nothing broken in you. And you are allowed to be held, too.